1978
Death comes when I've least expected it. Maybe others anticipate it, knowing more than I at the time, but for me, losing people I love seems to come while I'm not paying attention. My beautiful grandmother's death occurred while I was gallivanting halfway across the world in Dubai in 2012. She knew I was having the time of my life. Her last words to me before I left were, "I'm so glad my girls are getting to see the world." Some of her final words to my family were "ask Kimmy." I was devastated. She was thinking of me in some way that we will never know. It haunts me to this day. As always, she occupied a place in the peripheral of my mind, but I was busy exploring a culture I knew little about, 12 hours ahead of her, and vacationing with my husband and sister. Sister was the one who came home ahead of me to the news that Little Grandma was ill. No one told me. They knew I would have jumped on the next plane to Florida and of course, grandma would be alright. She always was. She, the self-proclaimed "tough old bird" would be home by the time I was. Instead, I spent 5 nights in Muscat, Oman, never knowing that my sweet grandma was dying. I heard the news, on a red phone, between the airplane and the gate in Atlanta. Her soul departed while I was standing on American soil, waiting to change my plane reservation. I'm grateful I was able to give her eulogy.
The Cranston girls and Gomo circa 1986. Those uniforms! Those hairdos!
In August, while I was vacationing with JSM in Massachusetts I lost another person dear to me. Gomo was a friend and golf partner of Little Grandma's and she loved us all as if we were her very own grandchildren although my sister and I were only goddaughters. I will spare the details of her passing as they are difficult, sad, and not mine to share, but I do know she was alone. No one should ever have to die alone. While I explored Martha's Vineyard on the back of JSM's scooter, ate seafood, and visited with JSM's family, I had no idea that Gomo was dying all alone in a rehab center some 600 miles south.
Gomo was a contrary woman, to be sure: she scolded us for not finishing our plate, pouted when we didn't write her letters, and didn't like many things, but she loved her family and us in the best way she could. It brightened her
Many years later we took another road trip together. I was 28 she was 84 and this time I was in the driver's seat. We were headed a couple hours north to St. Augustine for my sister's wedding and as we ate chicken salad sandwiches for dinner in the dark, she shared stories of growing up and of her marriage which ended in the mid 80's when her husband passed away. She unabashedly admitted that her favorite part of being married was taking a shower with her husband. Thankfully, the darkness hid my shock and blush, which immediately turned to admiration. She loved! She touched! She was human! Somehow age makes people seem all-knowing on the outside, but beneath the frail, aging body lies the young person we all once were. I will remember always the vulnerability she displayed and the courage it must have taken to admit those memories. Often it's easy to overlook that our elders are people, too, just like you and me. White hair, wrinkled skin, and watery eyes can't hide that being loved is a basic human desire and even the most difficult people want to experience that, too. I loved her for showing me that and it changed forever the way I see the elderly.
Emily's bridal luncheon October 2004
I like to think I "inherited" my penmanship from her and I loved her music box collection which in part sits in boxes in my home waiting for the right spot to display. I'd been thinking of her last month and as the days slipped away something nagged at me that I should make that phone call. August was her birthday month and I'd been thinking I needed to call Gomo. The last time we'd spoken she sounded strong and I wanted to make sure she still was. I was going to put her birthday card in the mail. In my own busyness of life that never came to pass. It was too late. The opportunity to connect again slipped through my hands and that will always hang on my heart. She was lonely, I knew it and she looked forward to any phone call or letter she received. I hope she knew she was never far from my thoughts and heart.
Our wedding in 2007
This time, there will be no eulogy or memorial service. Her body is being put to rest the way she wished, on her terms which is exactly how she lived her life. Her photos are being returned to their owners (these images are all ones she had saved in an album in her home) and life is marching forward. Time goes on as it always does even if sometimes we have to leave the ones we love behind. As the days go by may I never forget that to love and be loved are the most important things in the world. Little Grandma always reminded me, "take time for love." I will no longer let the moment pass me by. I hope Gomo and Little Grandma are smiling down on us and enjoying a round of golf in the sky. Until we meet again....
XOXO
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